The false economy of forced positivity

As bummed as I am to admit it, I think I must; I haven’t felt happy in weeks.
It’s a really difficult time for me and no new–age pithy inspirational poster with dolphins at sunset will make my spiritual Styrofoam cup half full.
It’s not; my cracked and chipped cup is just in between.
 
From what I can gather in my musings, the working balance between the endless doldrums of melancholy and the giddy heights of perpetual happiness, is more important than the romantic notions of either extreme.
Yet how does one achieve this elusive, mystical equilibrium?
I dunno. But I do know it lays somewhere in the sharp rocky bed of truth and self-analysis.
The more we indulge the notion that smiling through pain is essential for our (and often others) happiness, the further we bury our ability to change, remove or alter that which hurt us in the first place.

Most of us are caught up in the machinations of the day-to-day grind and it’s tricky to find time to be lost in oneself and to be able to question ones needs and wants verses expectations of what one ‘should’ do.
‘Indulgent’ and ‘selfish’ are words we use to describe people who take time away to pull apart their layers and to seek their own truths.
This is a shame and while understandable in our culture of action and immediacy to not seek depth, to not do so can lead to an almost psychotic existence where we become the mask we don and lose our beautiful depth and wild selves.
I’m all for the occasional and essential distraction but not as a lifestyle and I believe that unless we turn off the machines and addictions of escapism, the more we will lose ourselves and our ability to be simply content, which is a far better goal than happiness because lets face it, it’s far more realistic one.
 
Perpetual, seemingly happy people are, like their opposites, tiresome and there is only so much time you can indulge their character; because really that’s what it feels like, a character, a performance, a mask if you will.
While some of you may think I am being harsh and there are people who are, by no fault of their own, bubbly and cheery by nature. I’d agree that some people are chipper and delightful but scratch the surface and you should see cracks in the veneer and if you don’t, then I’d be very cautious indeed.
Everyone has their dark, as it’s essential for rest, contemplation and growth and those that conceal it are a worry.

If we are to seek the comfort of connection as humans then surely we all deserve depth and honesty.
Some may, for whatever reason, not want this and as Khalil Gibran so beautifully says,
‘But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.’
 
 
So while I can admit I haven’t been happy in weeks, this is because, without mincing words, it’s been a shit of a time for me and as I watch the pendulum smash me in the face, I know at some point it will swing back yet again and yes, I know, this too shall pass until it eventually it will stop, but when it does, what then will I write about?
 

5 comments

  • vivian

    vivian nether world Leycester

    Hi good one, Y I feel I'm somewhere similar but not as many words - as english is second language - Dishlexic being the first. I found recently in book an aim - which is my goal. it might help. Viv lost shadow - coffee sometime quote as follows. INTIMACY Because the partners were complete within themselves, they could come to their partner out of desire rather than neediness. There is no longer any patching up of each other’s deficits. The new bond was based on choice and decision, rather than fantasy bonding out of neediness. Each could love more generously. Each gave because he/she really wanted to. A new plateau of intimacy emerged. Some of the qualities of the in-love stage returned. Each was fascinated with the other’s uniqueness and differences. Each because the other’s cherished friend. Each was bonded out of deep respect and appreciation of the other. The journey toward intimacy is marked by the following : healthy conflict, learning to negotiate and fight fair, patience, hard work and the courage to risk being an individual. Above all, it is marked by a willingness to embrace a disciplined love. The bottom line is that achieving love and intimacy in a relationship is a dynamic process. Such a process ebbs and flows. It is marked by conflict and individuation. In the end it is all worthwhile. attribute on request Vivian S Martin

    Hi good one,
    Y I feel I'm somewhere similar but not as many words - as english is second language - Dishlexic being the first.
    I found recently in book an aim - which is my goal. it might help. Viv lost shadow - coffee sometime

    quote as follows.

    INTIMACY

    Because the partners were complete within themselves, they could come to their partner out of desire rather than neediness. There is no longer any patching up of each other’s deficits. The new bond was based on choice and decision, rather than fantasy bonding out of neediness.

    Each could love more generously. Each gave because he/she really wanted to. A new plateau of intimacy emerged. Some of the qualities of the in-love stage returned. Each was fascinated with the other’s uniqueness and differences. Each because the other’s cherished friend. Each was bonded out of deep respect and appreciation of the other.

    The journey toward intimacy is marked by the following : healthy conflict, learning to negotiate and fight fair, patience, hard work and the courage to risk being an individual. Above all, it is marked by a willingness to embrace a disciplined love.

    The bottom line is that achieving love and intimacy in a relationship is a dynamic process. Such a process ebbs and flows. It is marked by conflict and individuation. In the end it is all worthwhile.

    attribute on request

    Vivian S Martin

  • Kim BANFFY

    Kim BANFFY OCEAN SHORES

    Hey beautiful woman. You are right to feel into the depths of your emotions. Trying to ignore them only works temporarily, and then the shit hits the fan. I hope you are soon feeling better though. xx

    Hey beautiful woman. You are right to feel into the depths of your emotions. Trying to ignore them only works temporarily, and then the shit hits the fan. I hope you are soon feeling better though. xx

  • brad

    brad bruns

    Its my birthday today. My mother would have reached 80 on the 16th...if she hadn't of died all those years ago, spent the arvo with the kids at Eureka Cemetery. She died at 54, I was 27 then (thats a factor of 2). My next birthday I will (hopefully) turn 54, but you just dont know, do you ? Your birthday has just passed. This surely is a time of introspection. Ilona, when you went road-tripping a few years back, you shared a post that featured your Mum and was it a bird bath memorial in her name ??? out at Armidale ? Please excuse me if that is incorrect (the bird bath thing) (nice touch though)..... When you were in Darwin (?) you told of your father and your past....as a child ?? Hey my memory sucks OK ? That whole road trip/story/expose really touched me, with your frankness, insights, funny bits, out pouring of emotions and memory. Man, I fell in love with the person you are Ilona, you are beautiful. Recently at The Falls Festival, I met your son, (and you met my son Ryan at Bruns Surf Club) and he is the epitome of you, and testament to your character, and value as a mother/parent/loving human being. ‘Indulgent’ and ‘selfish’ are words we use to describe people who take time away to pull apart their layers and to seek their own truths. This is a shame and while understandable in our culture of action and immediacy to not seek depth, to not do so can lead to an almost psychotic existence where we become the mask we don and lose our beautiful depth and wild selves. I’m all for the occasional and essential distraction but not as a lifestyle' ^^^^ OK, lets go surfing. Hedonistic, selfish perhaps ? Nah, a pure pursuit. Let's go hang out with dolphins. xxx

    Its my birthday today. My mother would have reached 80 on the 16th...if she hadn't of died all those years ago, spent the arvo with the kids at Eureka Cemetery. She died at 54, I was 27 then (thats a factor of 2).

    My next birthday I will (hopefully) turn 54, but you just dont know, do you ? Your birthday has just passed. This surely is a time of introspection.

    Ilona, when you went road-tripping a few years back, you shared a post that featured your Mum and was it a bird bath memorial in her name ??? out at Armidale ? Please excuse me if that is incorrect (the bird bath thing) (nice touch though).....

    When you were in Darwin (?) you told of your father and your past....as a child ?? Hey my memory sucks OK ?

    That whole road trip/story/expose really touched me, with your frankness, insights, funny bits, out pouring of emotions and memory. Man, I fell in love with the person you are Ilona, you are beautiful.

    Recently at The Falls Festival, I met your son, (and you met my son Ryan at Bruns Surf Club) and he is the epitome of you, and testament to your character, and value as a mother/parent/loving human being.

    ‘Indulgent’ and ‘selfish’ are words we use to describe people who take time away to pull apart their layers and to seek their own truths.
    This is a shame and while understandable in our culture of action and immediacy to not seek depth, to not do so can lead to an almost psychotic existence where we become the mask we don and lose our beautiful depth and wild selves. I’m all for the occasional and essential distraction but not as a lifestyle'

    ^^^^ OK, lets go surfing. Hedonistic, selfish perhaps ? Nah, a pure pursuit. Let's go hang out with dolphins. xxx

  • Ilona

    Ilona

    Your mum and my mum passed away in the same day. That's readin enough for a surf.:)

    Your mum and my mum passed away in the same day. That's readin enough for a surf.smile

  • brad fahy

    brad fahy bruns

    Crikey.

    Crikey.

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